The mask came before the scarring. So...Itchy!!!

Secrets!

I majored in Yiddish at Berlin Community College.

Secrets!

It took Arnim Zola and I a while to come to terms. We had trouble seeing eye to eye on certain issues.

Secrets!

The Berlin Zoo has the best facilities for nocturnal recreation. And you can take that to the bank, Jack.

Secrets!

Do you know that bastard Red Skull still owes me for 15 hours of overtime?

SECRETS!!!

I’m a little grumpy about this week’s comics, but that may just be the fault of last week’s comics.  Here are THIS week’s new and noteworthy titles.

• ATOMIC ROBO GHOST OF STATION X #5 (OF 5) - Well okay, THIS gets things off to a good start: the conclusion of the 6th volume of Atomic Robo!
• FANTASTIC FOUR #603 - I’m one issue away from being able to get caught up on both Fantastic Four and FF, but unfortunately that issue is #587, the death of Johnny Storm, which is both rare and pricey at this point.
• PROPHET #22 - I was VERY impressed with the Prophet relaunch and will be keeping up with it for a while.  It’s not really in the vein of what I normally pick up, but it’s interesting and very readable (unlike the original Prophet run, which I couldn’t wade through) so this comes highly recommended.
• SECRET AVENGERS #23 - $4?  Yeah, no.  I’m sure I’ll snag it eventually, but not for 4 bucks and not based on the .1 issue that just came out.
• TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES ONGOING #7
• UNCANNY X-FORCE #22
• VENOM #13.3 - Just what in the world is going on here???  Point 3?  No Remender?  This is messed up, Marvel.

I’m not the biggest fan of the Adventure Time cartoon writing here, that honor goes to Matt, but I do enjoy it a great deal and check it out somewhat regularly.  Therefore when Boom! ??? announced they were doing a new Adventure Time series written by Ryan North of Dinosaur Comics, I was in. I’ve got to say, it’s pretty great.  It opens with a really
interesting sequence that reveals how the cartoon’s opening sequence was created, in a way that allows for the uninitiated to understand while providomg more depth if you get the reference.  There’s all sorts of easter eggs in this book, including light blue notes in the gutters that are JUST legible enough to read…if you see them.

The main story’s art by Shelli Paroline and Braden Lamb is drawn in the Adventure Time house style, but Aaron Renier’s backup tells a story in his own painted style instead, and it’s a nice touch that we get to see other artistic interpretations of the characters. Boom! and all the creators involved really knocked themselves out with this one, and it’s well worth picking up if you’re a fan of hijinks, high adventure, and high…fist-bumps.

I feel like I’m the only one excited by Rob Liefeld’s Extreme relaunch, but I’m genuinely enjoying it.  Prophet #21 was excellent, and Glory #23 continues the streak of success.  The Rob obviously knows to set up his talent and then get out of the way, as the characters are established and yet feel all-new.  Or in Glory’s case, 500 years old.  Credit artist Ross Campbell with that, as he manages to make Glory look young and childlike yet world-weary and battle-damaged, all at the same time.  The artwork really is an amazing strength.  Writer Joe Keatinge manages to incorporate a healthy amount of intrigue (and provides answers to key questions in the first issue!  What an concept!) while working in enough humor and action to keep things moving.  In fact, the only knock I can think of is that it feels a bit too much like Promethea in places.  As much as I enjoyed Prophet, I loved this book.  It’s been selling briskly, but if you find a copy on the shelf, grab it. 

Do. Not. Buy.

Bloodstrike and Youngblood will round out the relaunch in the next few months, and while they’re the titles I’m least looking forward to, the strength of the first half are going to force me to give them a chance.

The less said about Godzilla: Kingdom of Monsters #12 the better. With the story mostly wrapped up in issue 11, IDW felt it was appropriate to charge $4 for shots of wreckage and a few wrap-up captions.  This is the biggest waste of money I may have ever spent on a comic, and IDW should never have put it out.

Ranting complete, that’s it for me this week.  What looks good to you?

• Great Lakes Avengers – The entire team takes a trip to Mardi Gras and Bourbon street in hopes of losing their respective virginities amidst the debauchery. Doorman thought he lost it once, but Mr. Immortal was kind enough to find it for him.

• Herbie Popnecker – Hurricane-flavored lollipops

• 

  It's baggy sweats for Kara. Let someone else put their cleavage on display for a change.

  Batman – Covers the Batmobile in crepe paper and paper mache bats, gets drunk girls to lift their shirts.

• Doctor Doom – Holds the annual KREWE OF DOOM parade and ball. Attendance at both events is mandatory for citizens of Latveria. This years theme: Doombots through the ages.

• Brother Voodoo – Performing at the afterparty with the Mamou Playboys and the Dirty Dozen Brass Band.  Also hexing drunk chicks.

• Matter Eater Lad – helps New Orleans get rid of it’s annual record breaking amount of litter. For him it is a true Fat Tuesday.

• Lex Luthor – buys up and closes as buildings along the parade routes to guarantee that “there ain’t no place to pee on Mardi Gras day.”

• Guy Gardner – As a Jehovah’s Witness, he chooses not to celebrate

• The Joker – spends the day along Bourbon Street tea bagging drunks laying on the sidewalks.

• Superman – Figures it’s okay to use his x-ray vision for “other” means

• Atom – dresses as a baby and hides in king cakes to freak people out.

• Red Tornado – has half a daiquiri, cries.

• Gambit – As a native, he knows to stay the hell away.

I don't get it. I save lives; I ride a cool bike; I even look good in leather. Why can't I score with the ladies?

secret…

Let me set the record straight. No, I'm not dead. I'm fully corporeal. I have no idea why people call me "Ghost" Rider.

secret…

Sure Hell's hot, but it's a dry heat... so it's not as bad.

Secret…

My flaming head has nothing to do with a curse. It's an extreme case of Bieber fever.

SECRET…

I can't remember a time when my farts weren't explosive.

SECRETS!

• AVENGERS #22 and NEW AVENGERS #21 – Now that my pull list experiment is over, I must confess that none of the Avengers titles have impressed me that much, other than Warren Ellis’ Secret Avengers.  These guys get the drop.
  
• DAREDEVIL #9 -I’m really hoping this is a good jumping-on point.  It should be, since the Spider-Man crossover is wrapped upand it’s been killing me that I haven’t been able to find a good spot to start this title yet.
  
• GLORY #23 - Based on how much I liked Prophet #21, the first of the Extreme relaunch, and the Extreme 2012 preview, this looks to be a good, funny read.  And I say that even having hated the Alan Moore issues…
• GODZILLA KINGDOM OF MONSTERS #12
• ROGER LANGRIDGES SNARKED #5
• THUNDERBOLTS #170 - I think Thunderbolts is the first series I’m completely up-to-date with buying, if not reading.  Jeff Parker’s worked in a ton of twists and turns and it stays amazing.  This is probably my favorite superhero book right now.
• VENOM #13.2 - Wait, now there are POINT TWO books?!?!?!  Is this part of Circle of Four, too?  I’m all confused!  I wonder if Rick Rememder isn’t writing this one, too…

That’s it for this week, folks.  What looks good to you?

Answer or you scream.

Stomach churns: hate ‘n beans.

Don’t like your answers.

Matches Malone

The cold hard fact of being the “world’s greatest detective” is that sometimes it’s impractical to do your investigating dressed as a 7ft bat. For those inconvenient times, Batman has developed disguises and personas that he assumes to navigate certain parts of Gotham City. Matches Malone is probably his best known persona, but here is a list of others that the Bat has been known to employ.

Unfamiliar & – a slam poet that Batman uses to keep tabs on the happenings in Gotham City’s thriving post-modernist community.

Wayne Brucinard – Batman’s disguise for infiltrating the notorious junior high prep school book clubs and human-hunting gangs

Ira Glass – used by Batman to navigate the seedy underbelly of public radio.

Star City Slim – a terrible poker player always welcome at low-end games in dives across Gotham.

Rufus Q. Hornswoggler – Old West preacher who teamed up with Jonah Hex and Bat Lash to take down cattle rustlers.

Bat-tastic – Bruce Wayne’s plush bat costume used for attending furry conventions.

Oven Mits Laçan – seedy pastry chef known for his cannoli, eclair, as well as his crème fraiche.

Ian Mulrooney – allows Batman to freely navigate the hipster community as a purveyor of vintage breakfast cereals.

Heathcliff "Cliff" Huxtable - an identity developed to allow Bruce access to the disreputable world of gynecology/ obstetrics and colorful sweaters.

I tried the hero thing for a while, but they told me they already had enough Spider-Man/Batman mashups.

Secrets!

I once got off on a murder rap using the bantha defense. "It was cold that night, your honor! I would have frozen to death!" Chump.

Secrets!

I decided to go with slippers because I AM A DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN!

Secrets!

This costume is a Herbie Popnecker original. I traded him for some magic lollipops.

Secrets!

You think you're so great, ARTHUR. I been rockin' this bident for YEARS.

SECRETS!!!

• VENOM #13.1 - I don’t understand what’s going on here at all. Venom #13 just shipped with a new story (the New New Fantastic Four) a couple weeks ago, and now here comes a “new jumping-on point”? Marvel, time to all get on the same page!

I suppose it’s good that this is a light week, as I’ve completed a few important runs this week. I’m now current (on finding, not reading…yet) Jeff Parker’s Thunderbolts. Every single issue is just a joy to read. I’ve also been trying to figure out who Kev Walker’s Juggernaut reminds me of, and it’s Marv from Sin City. I’ve also found all of the issues of Flashpoint, the end of my DC’s incarnation. The most expensive issue was #1, at $3.25. I hadn’t really been looking forward to it, but I imagine it will be a bittersweet read as it signifies my drifting away from DC.

Sorry for such a light report, but the books are what the books are. What’s looking good to you this week? It’s the perfect chance for me to jump in on something new.

Soupçon of courage,

A cup of heroism,

No powers needed.