I tried the hero thing for a while, but they told me they already had enough Spider-Man/Batman mashups.
I once got off on a murder rap using the bantha defense. "It was cold that night, your honor! I would have frozen to death!" Chump.
I decided to go with slippers because I AM A DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN!
This costume is a Herbie Popnecker original. I traded him for some magic lollipops.
You think you're so great, ARTHUR. I been rockin' this bident for YEARS.
The worst thing about only having 4 fingers is that it's harder to do card tricks. Fucking Gambit...
I was the highest rated reality show on Mojoworld for 16 seasons. Until a scandal ruined my goodwill with the audience.
If I have any regrets, it's hooking up with Dazzler that one time. Bitch be trippin'! (That's the right way to say that, right?)
The star on my jacket represents a fiery inferno, like after Storm would make chili.
I'm 1/4 pheasant on my father's side. That makes what we used to do at night on the farm illegal in 47 states.
Polly and I spent a week on the USS Flagg one night.
They gave me an anchor as a weapon to show Cobra I MEAN BUSINESS!
You know what's under this beard? Another fist.
I auditioned for the Village People, but apparently I couldn't join because it conflicted with Don't Ask, Don't Tell.
I CANNOT believe they didn't want to put me in the movie!
Opposites DON'T attract. Which is unfortunate because of this enormous tail I'm packing.
Once I really embraced that symbiote I discovered what a treat brains could be! Now I don't go a day without them.
This costume is what you get when you trust your wardrobe to J. Jonah Jameson.
Once I walked in on Sandman and Hydro-Man "sharing a moment". It was beautiful, man.
The best thing about being in the Thunderbolts? Norman Osborn is VERY aware of his freaky hair. He always let me use it for scrubbing when it was my night to do dishes.
I got booted from Third Earth Junior High after using the Sight Beyond Sight to cheat on a test.
Panthro makes the best ribs. Out of lizardmen.
Snarf manages to get it in the litter box about 40% of the time.
Tigra never really did much because of an old war injury. Which apparently kept him from being useful AFTER the war, too.
When I say "Thundercats, ho!" it's really a direct reference to Cheetara.
Human Torch (android) – WARNING!! Contents my ignite when in contact with oxygen
dry cool place with plenty of alcohol.
I'm only 85% ice. The other 15% is gin.
The other X-Men would never take me to their coffeehouse, so I started putting their hands in warm me while they slept.
I could turn myself into the ice equivalent of any of the other members of the team, I just don't so they feel good about themselves.
ALL of the X-Men got to fool around with Jean except for me. That she knows of.
The story of how Iceboy became an Iceman is a heartbreaking tale. And involves a surprising amount of fecal matter.
That son of a bitch Predaking stole my look!
Next week I begin my hunt for a good bagel.
Kraven was referring to himself in the third person long before Doom!
Can you see my zebra panty line underneath these leopard pants?
Take my word for it. If you want to make out with a young lady, take her to see "Dracula".
It took 45 minutes for Jim Lee to convince me this armor didn't make me look fat.
What does Geoff Johns mean, he wants to make me an A-list hero?!?!
I miss the wrestling onesie more than you could possible know.
In new DC continuity there's no Beast Boy. Just as well, that dude was a cockblocker.
I'm starting a bluegrass band with Aquaman and The Fiddler. We're called Fishy Circuits.
What's got two thumbs and hasn't been screwed by Geoff Johns? THIS GUY!
I was honored by the LGBT association for my work in "The Community". WTF???
I don't even know how this rainbow stuff is supposed to work. It's not like an ice slide!
It's been a long summer. Fortunately I have these rainbows to keep me warm.
You know who really fills out a spandex suit? Mirror Master.
